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The Perfect Girl Isn’t A Bitch

The Perfect Girl Isn't A Bitch

I want to share with you today a reflection on the girls. Most women have no sense of humor (I’m just kidding bitch), so I specify for any purpose that I wrote it for fun. Anyway, my mom told me that I had the right to publish it. Little warning : if Muriel Robin awakens in you any sexual interest, thank you for not reading the rest of the article.

In immersion

I have long prepared for writing this message: I spent several days reading women’s magazines. Moreover, I even pushed the conditioning further: to penetrate the soul of those beggars, I repeatedly moved to the kitchen to cook. I also cleaned up my apartment, once.

However, I have noted in my readings a cyclic redundancy, one same topic is always coming up. Explanation : their brains attacked by very romantic comedies, they mostly think connecting to reality through pure readings. So thank the author with a radioactive chin, Fredo Beigbeder, for some literary shits that undoubtedly sell some dream to the basic chicks. Believing becoming disillusioned with the prince charming after finishing the huge book, it comes out in fact that they end up convinced of his existence.

The perfect man

After these terribly extensive researches, I profiled the scoundrel coveted: the perfect man is a subtle mixture of the princes of Walt Disney, looking a little bit like a forty doctor in Grey’s Anatomy. He would be muscular to protect the princess from the danger, but not too much. He would hairy because it’s manly, but not too much. He would be attentive and generous, he would listen… but not too much. He would have a big dick, but not too much. At the moment, he is incarnate in the eyes of the crowd by Ian Somerhalder (since he did stick back his ears).

That is the exceptionally true summary of what the incredible woman of the XXI century believes having the right to expect from a guy. But why will she never find him?

1) Because he doesn’t exist: a guy who respects himself doesn’t give a shit about being perfect. He eventually pays attention to be thin to fuck a little more than average, but in his heart, what he wants is just a missus to cook him a lasagna dish and bring him his beer while he scratches his balls watching TV.
2) Because if ever this man exists : no woman would deserve him. Yes, it is the greedy female who kicked the innocent male out from paradise. So fuck you, bitches!

The perfect woman

Our revenge : now let’s make the portrait of the perfect woman, and let’s see why us, males, are entitled to get her. We are the elite of society: the world is built with the strength of bearded. From the spear stuck in the guts of a damn mammoth to the planting of weird vegetables to feed the tribe, it is the man who has allowed our species to survive.

I already hear lesbian feminists screaming like pigs “Asshole, without us there would be no species because it is us who makes the babies” I simply reply to them “Shut up, cod. Without our delicious sperm, you would not make any baby!”

This is the man who created the first societies; it is also him who has changed his societies into the more elaborate system that we suffer today. The republic, the school, the religion, the porn movies, the racism and the incest, all those wonders are our inventions.

End of a justification based on absolutely logical arguments that, as you can see, is flawless. The coming from Mars can therefore claim the conquest of a creature to his height : the perfect woman.

Description of the gazelle:
– If possible, large tall, but not too much. She must still be at least 10 centimeters shorter than us so she doesn’t disrespect us.
– Her boobs do not have to be huge, but they should not hang like my grandma. If we had been a bit excited by dairy cows, we’d have become farmers again a long time ago.
– Her butt should be curved to be hardly slammed during doggy style, but not too big so that we are not ashamed when fiddling with in public.
– Her hair color does not matter but the perfect woman still must have hair (except Natalie Portman).
– Her eyes should be bold: we must be able to read in it those romantic words “I will swallow it when you want.” Her eyes must also be able to express the extreme pleasure, the fear of being punched if she badly ironed your shirt and compassion when OM lost against PSG.
– She must wear with an elegance that commands respect the shorties close-to-the-ass. The string must also be part of her dressing.
– She is pure, but experienced.
– Into clubs : she moves her ass like Shakira and the other guys watch her with envy, but fortunately she only sees you. Besides, she dances all night without sweating.
– She has the ability to move from the more bitchy attitudes (perverse and unhealthy like a porn Slovak actress) to an attitude of young lady from a wealthy family.
– She is smart because sometimes after the blowjob of the Sunday morning, you can be in a philosophical mood. Thus, the chick must keep abreast of the news, she must know the great authors and the great movies, but less than you. She does not reach your highest spiritual elevation: you will always be her master.
– She’s 10% lesbian.
– Her name is not ridiculous, and you can roar it powerfully to call her, without being ashamed in the street.
– She often fights in the mud with her girlfriends. They also make battles of duffel bags with only their strings in your living room, as soon as the opportunity arises.
– She is flexible, but never asked to be flexible at the time of coitus. After you have finished destroying her on the back seat of your Aston Martin, she can contort as you want to vary the positions during the second round.
– She’s in love with you, unconditionally and absolutely.
– Do I have to insist on the fundamental qualities: housekeeper, cook, seamstress and nurse when you feel bad…?

Written by: a jerk from Aix.

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How to find a good sexfriend when you’re a woman?

Today I’ll answer the question from a reader who approaches a disturbing reality: how can a woman find a good sexfriend in a society where the guys are often as cheesy as a romantic comedy? It is a serious problem…


I think than for anyone else but you, my approach would have made me look like a slut. But since I know what you write on your blog, I think you’re one of the few people who think that a woman who has fun in bed and who is open-minded is not necessarily a slut. I regularly read your articles for two years, and even if I do not agree on everything you write, I think you have correctly identified the woman mind and the science of seduction.

I’m at a point in my life where I want to have fun in bed, I want to have fun without headache. But now, attracting THE guy we covet in our bed is not as simple as it seems! Contrary to popular belief, a lot of guys are looking for serious relationships only and get excited for something serious too quickly…

To me, (most) guys are not really able to compartmentalize. Either they really like the girl and they want a serious couple or they don’t really like her and in this case they just see want a one shot. Having regular sex dates with a guy, that seems to me almost impossible… That’s why I want you to tell me how to get into the game. What is a girl supposed to do so the man she wants invites her to take pleasure?

Hoping that you’ll find the time to answer me. Especially that, to my knowledge, we are a lot of women reading you and we are all facing the same questions…

Chloé “

If I have identified the problem, many women have trouble finding guys:
– They like ;
– Who can fuck them good but with respect ;
– Who do not ask them to be faithful while they only fucked a few times together.

Many guys are very mushy. Much more than one might think. Especially that girls tend to spread the idea that a one night stand is not a respectful concept and that they want to settle down with the love of their life as soon as possible. As a consequence, the guys say to themselves “yeah, so I’ll give her what she wants (a couple they think) so I can empty my balls at will” or they like to sleep with her and are also conditioned to want a couple so they believe they have “fallen in love” just because they feel some affection for their sexfriend.

The ideal for many emancipated girls, it would be to have a nice guy who fucks them correctly from time to time without pissing them off. And it seems quite complicated to find.

How can you make guys understand the type of relationship you wish?

1) Assume it directly and make it clear that you have several lovers.

I met a woman once who wrote directly on her profile on Adopt that she only wanted sex and that bad fuckers did not interest you. But you are not obliged to show that in public, you can say it in private conversation (at the beginning).

Then, it is especially necessary that you be firm on the fact that this type of relationship is exactly what you want at the moment : so you can see like that or can not meet up at all. Do not let any door open to hope. You can even talk to guys you frequent about some of your other accomplices, it will avoid that guy harbor illusions.

It is customary to say that men are looking for purity (it explains they try to make you a faithful wife), so if you assume your slut side (I say it lovingly) they will have less desire to engage and will be more excited about sex. Then, eventually comes the reputation problems, which brings me to the solution #2.

2) Change your hunting grounds.

For example, a field that women looking for good sex too often forget, but which is full of guys and couples who are only looking for sexfriend, it’s the libertine sites. With that, you will probably find your happiness not far from home, because single women are queens there. Talk a bit with the guys anyway to be sure they are good lovers (for that, we still did not invent better than the shit-tests). There’s not only old and ugly perverts on these sites, contrary to what one might think. The libertine spirit is based on respect and people there fully understand this kind of research!

3) Change your way of thinking and fucking

If the problem is that the guys fuck with you once and do not call after… or that they fuck you once but do not want to see you again if that is not clearly “serious” between you: it is perhaps that the deal to have you only for sex does not suit them. Either that comes from a blockage in their mind (oriented feminism) or you are not very good in bed (sorry). It is quite possible to turn on the guy to see you just for your ass or the way you fuck/suck only for the fleeting pleasure (that can make them forget their principles). Read up on the subject, see if you need to change something in the way you dress and train in the bed !!! This is very much a question of behavior, all that shit…

May the God of the Game be with you, beautiful ladies!


For the guys who still delude themselves:

4) I recommend this ebook to better understand women.

5) And this one to become a good lover.

May the God of the Game help us in this upside down world…

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How to give a good blowjob (advice from several men)

How to give a good blowjob (advice from several men)

I refer to the last article I published “How to give a good blowjob (advice from a man)“. I was accused of having too much talked about my personal tastes.

So, I now correct the shot: this article contains several testimonies of men who tell YOU, ladies, how they like you to suck them.


Testimony 1:

“Okay so, for a good blowjob:

First of all, I think it’s a very visual act. It excites me a lot to see the girl sucking me, especially if she does it with envy. Probably because of the submission (or the devotion, your choice) related to the act itself. Since it’s visual, I love that the girl has beautiful hair (I like girls with beautiful hair, rather long and silky). So I love watching her and I love playing with her hair, stroking her head. I do not know if it’s good for them. I never really asked. That was for the visual part.

About sensations, I’ll just describe the best blowjob a girl has ever given me :

Already she did not forced on the penis. Ie she adapted to the curvature of my cock. She did not pull on it to put it vertically, which can be uncomfortable with a very hard erection. Then I had many feelings, but I never felt her teeth. Much more her tongue and a sensation of suction, like if she tried to attract the sperm as soon as possible. She also lubricated very well my cock with her saliva. She alternated descents at the very bottom of my cock only with her mouth, but by remaining rather on the top of my sex (glans slightly below) and masturbated the lower part, with a “rotating” movement (hard to explain this one, basically she did same movement as to open a jar of Nutella, while of course still holding the penis). It’s nice not to have a monotonous sensation throughout fellatio. So she went down from time to time with her tongue along my cock and played with my balls (note it can quickly become unpleasant, so gently with the balls !!). Then she went back along the penis, kissing, before taking back my dick in her mouth. It was very nice, especially for the visual sensations. Namely, it is also very nice to be licked at the crotch, between the thigh and my sex (it’s another one who did that to me).”


Testimony 2 :

“The perfect blowjob? I did not think it existed before I met this girl from Czech Republic, a few years ago in Paris, however, even now I am unable to explain how she did that (she had probably swallowed a vacuum cleaner). But except that, I think that to give a good blowjob : use a good hand position, especially not make men feel your teeth, the mouth must not be too thin and in my case please don’t concentrate the excitement only at the glans because it can be very unpleasant. Then, I think it is a mixture of experience and physiology for a girl to know how to make a good blowjob, and especially she must like it!”


Testimony 3:

“A blowjob while she looks at you, she is not afraid. I love when she ties her hair and starts sucking me when she masturbates me with one hand and she licks my balls at the same time, when my dick is in her mouth and she caresses my balls, when she touches her cheek with my cock. I like when she’s not afraid when I’m on the couch and she is kneeling on the floor. I would like her to use her tongue. For the technical part, those who have used her teeth never had the right to a second chance, it is forbidden there and I take no pleasure at all when they do that. I’m not into deep throat either, once for performance but no more. And describing what she does with her tongue, it is quite difficult but I think she has to be attentive to my needs.”


Testimony 4:

“So, for an ideal blowjob, I’d say the main thing is that it is well lubricated. I hate feeling it GRATING ideally I love when the girl’s lips easily slip on my penis from the top to the base. Then, they touch my balls at the same time, it’s nice, but nothing more. On the other hand, I recently discovered a part that at the beginning of the blowjob can make me feel a lot of good sensations, it is just between the balls and anus, and when the girl caress my balls, it gives me an hard erection in the second!”


Testimony 5:

“I personally love deep gorges and fondling on the balls, it’s just beautiful and it makes me vibrate. Seeing my penis in her mouth and feeling her tongue playing with is also awesome! For me a bitch who sucks must taste it you know, doing it gently, with desire and passion for her work.

One day a girl refused to suck me, she did not like it. OK ^^ she jerked me off like a goddess and was fondling the balls with her fingernails, it was just … AWESOME

Then another time a girl while she shook me put me one finger in the ass … I have never orgasmed so deeply since that day, it was so good!

I like to test new tricks, as soon as the girl do not violate me, I’m open-minded xD”


Testimony 6:

“The ideal blowjob first of all is a blowjob made with desire, pleasure and appetite. Because being just sucked without the girl really likes it, or worse if she forces herself to make us happy, that will not create pleasure and it even erase it. We often think that a girl just has to put a cock in her mouth to make a man feel pleasure, but it’s wrong. Fellatio is an exchange between two people who want the same thing : having fun and giving to each other. Because a woman can feel pleasure by sucking a hard cock, and the knowledge that the man appreciates gives her even more pleasure. An ideal blowjob is given by a girl who is not embarrassed and knows that she dominates the male the time of her job. It’s the one who shows she loves what she does, looking at the man in the eyes to seduce and charm him. It is often said that a good cunnilingus can make a woman faithful, a good blowjob can create loyalty in a man too. A woman who gives good blowjobs, is mostly a woman who is seeking to make her lover enjoy, and that will have no problem if he cums on her face, on her body or in her mouth, and who will savor the seed of her man because this semen is like the fruit that is harvested after hard work. It’s the dessert after a good meal. “


Testimonial 7:

“The steps are important to make the pressure increase before using the tongue. Start over the pants to take your time, then start a handjob gently licking his balls and after gently go licking his glans! Finally handjob then blowjob at the same time.

Ps: what is cool it is when she plays with her tongue at the tip of my penis where the skin begins to arrive.”


Testimony 8:

“She begins by putting her hand under my shirt and in my pants. She pushes me on the chair and unbuttons my shirt. She opens my fly and greedily swallows my cock. Finally she undresses and climbs astride.”


Testimony 9:

“I love when she talks me dirty during the blowjob, when she asks me to come for her!”


Testimony 10:

“I do think I have ever received one worthy of the name. I have never orgasmed with it. I know I love to be a little bit violent with the girl, I love to grasp her hair during the deep throat and to fuck her mouth by being over her. What is important is that it is she who takes the initiative and that she shows she loves it, the bitch effect is amazing. But this don’t mean that we should not respect her.”

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How to give a good blowjob (advice from a man)

How to give a good blowjob (advice from a man)Introduction:

Today, I propose a new concept: articles for chicks.

Several girlfriends have asked me to write to explain how to give a good blowjob. Most Internet articles are written by girls, explaining to other girls how to suck. So I want to give, this time, the view of a man on the subject. If you want to add other advice or if you want me to answer other questions : feel free to leave a comment !!!

What follows is therefore just my opinion… but we are a bit all the same, right? 😉

The purpose of this article is twofold:
– Give girls ideas to improve their oral sex;
– Show guys how their girlfriend could (maybe) better suck them.

For me, a good blowjob is with three things:
1) The mouth
2) The hand
3) The tongue

But there are other criteria to consider:
4) The rhythm
5) Testicles
6) Swallow
7) The position
8) The fingers in the ass
9) The mindset
10) Statistics

1) The mouth

The first thing that comes to my mind is obvious: it is important to do not put teeth. Know that girls do not always realize when they scrape our glans. Watch out, there’s someone on the other end !!!

One way to avoid putting the teeth is to position your lips in the good way. You must tighten your lips so we a little feel something. It happened to me, with closed eyes, I did no longer know whether the girl was sucking me or not: I felt NOTHING.

Feel free to drool to lubricate. The idea is to replicate a little texture of the vagina that is hot and humid. It is an interest of blowjobs, especially when we usually fuck with condoms: because we really feel the woman without a piece of plastic on the penis that separates us from her. Regarding the risk of STDs, it is very small and almost non-existent with oral when you have no mouth sores.

There’s websites that advise you ladies to take only our glans in your mouth … but I think it’s a bad idea. That’s comings and goings on my entire penis that drive me crazy.

Finally, be careful if you keep sucking after ejaculation: my penis is very sensitive when I came… and it can hurt.


2) The hand

I especially like when there is a rotational movement of your hand on my penis simultaneously with the movement from the bottom to up of your mouth. I say it otherwise: when the girl has my cock down her throat, her hand is down and when she goes up with her mouth, her hand goes back by at least a quarter turn around my cock. And so she does repeats it again in rhythm.

Girls can also have your hand on our chest or can touch themselves at the same time (breasts or pussy). Seeing you having fun, it really turns me on.

A variant of the rotational movement is to do a basic low-top motion but with only the thumb and index finger placed in a ring around the cock. Again, it is the pressure exerted on the sex that will determine our sensitivity to this practice. If it’s too tight it hurts and if you do not shake enough, we do not feel much. But do not make me say what I did not say: do not squish us anyway!


3) The tongue

While you suck, get out your tongue out of your mouth and stretch it so that it caresses the sex by naturally following the movements back and forth of your head.

Note that, not to mention the deep gorges (which can be fun) when you touch the back of your throat: it can make you want to vomit. To avoid that this happens every time, I’m afraid there is no alternative but to train yourself to tame the sensation.

There’s websites that advise women to make us wait an hour before sucking us, while turning around the bush (kissing us everywhere else). So anticipation it’s cool two minutes, but if the girl need one hour before going for it… I think it’s just boring!


4) The rhythm

You have to see the rhythm that the girl can bear to follow. Sometimes we can show you our ideal rhythm by doing pelvic movements (conscious or unconscious) at the same time you suck (we fuck your mouth).

To relieve you or show you our ideal rhythm, we can put our hands behind your head and help you in the movements. It’s also helpful to keep your hair if they are not attached so you do not eat it.

Know that just before orgasm, the penis tends, swells significantly and becomes hotter.

To increase the power of orgasm, you can raise the excitement. Whether it is by basking long before, by a long blowjob, or … let us approaching orgasm several times, but let us go down a bit, and try again several times before letting us go after. Please note that this technique works but it must be done with the agreement of your partner and by explaining what is done or you take the risk of making is go crazy!


5) Testicles

There’s a lot of girls who want to touch my balls in bed: they want to lick me or fiddling it with their fingers. It seems that there are guys who fancy it thoroughly, but me, I personally do not like it. If it lasts five seconds it’s nice but if it lasts too long, I ask them to stop, explaining that it hurts. It started from a good intention but…


6) Swallow

Should you swallow or not? Already, you “must” nothing. Everyone does as he wants. Personally I love it but I can imagine there are many girls who do not want to drink the cup. Oh, by the way, I should make an article about the taste of semen. Anyway, so, when it is the first time and I do not know if they want to swallow, I tell them I’m going to enjoy when I feel that I enjoy and I let them do what they want then with that information.


7) The position

The problem of the position may be a problem for some, but I love when she is kneeling in front of me or when she is sitting on the edge of the bed and I am stand up before her. If the girl find it disrespectful or too dominant, she may still suck by lengthening us on the back on the bed: she just has to come on us at the footboard There’s a lot of bitches who forget that during the blowjob we are vulnerable and they are in total control of our pleasure. So it does not so dominant! The girls from Sex and the City are right when they say, “OK. when we suck them, we are kneeling. But at the same time, they are held by the balls.” So: draw game! Like for oral sex!

What is good is to cross a naughty look as she plays with our craft.


8) The fingers in the ass

If a girl tried to put a finger in my ass by force or surprise, she would take the risk of getting fired from my bluntly… I know there are guys who fancy that… but it’s far from our every man’s dream. So be careful with it and “test the water” at least a little before raping our anus.

9) The mindset

The context of the blowjobs matters, of course. Depending on where you do that or if you had a good day or not, you can be more or less in the mood. But here I wish to mention the deepest beliefs that are related to the blowjob.

A girl who does not suck (especially if you lick her) is the most often by:
– disgust
– fear of not doing well
– selfishness

*Some women are really put off by oral sex, as some guys are by the cunnilingus: I can conceive it. There’s not much to do there except presenting a very clean sex or asking them to try to suck us in the shower. Also remains the solution of flavored condoms but frankly I have already said, the plastic during blowjob removes a lot of pleasure.

In short, sometimes there’s not much to do with these girls. Being pumped by a girl who seems disgusted : even if she does it to please us, that’s nice but it’s not awesome! I love when I feel that the girl is “greedy”. I love that she shows she likes my entire body.

There’s wrong beliefs that block women today. In ancient Egypt, the prostitutes put lipstick to show they practiced blowjob. Babylonian whores smeared men sex before sucking it (it’s also good with whipped cream not too sweet). So it was something degrading for sex workers. At the time of Catholicism, it had become downright sin as the act was separate from the will of procreation. In the Song of Songs, oral sex is even associated with the adulterous woman. Among Irish Catholics, she was punished by fifteen years of imprisonment (like a homicide). Today, we still sometimes have the image of the blowjob without tenderness as presented in pornography. It is often humiliating for the woman (yet willing), but it is fortunately not perceived like that by men normally formed in privacy.

Today it is a classic caress part of foreplay. Fellatio is not (now anyway) an act that man us to discharge on women their misogyny. It is an act of devouring of the woman on the man, you suck our life energy!

Fortunately, thanks to a real letting go, some women manage to make fellatio erotic. I have met many who were more than wet after sucking: so that excites a lot of you! The shrinks would say they are looking for their lost phallus, and therefore, performing oral sex, allows them to relativize the castration complex.

Feminists also make women who love to suck feel guilty. They try to make us believe that after centuries of female availability, men no longer have the right to ask anything in bed. But if we do not feel fully loved, if the man no more feel irresistible and manly: it may frustrate us deeply!

*If this is the “fear of doing it in the bad way” that blocks her, that’s another problem. Let her read this article and encourage her. Same thing if it is shyness: in this case, be the first to go down on her. That said, when we do not really know the girl, it’s awkward to ask this, fortunately they mostly do it themselves.

*If it is because of selfishness that she does not suck you but she loves your cunnilingus: it’s unfair. Could I stay with a girl like that? I do not think so. This is important in a couple I guess : because I appreciate this practice and because it helps to ease conflicts, if any.

I would not stay with a woman who sees oral sex as a one-way favor or a reward. Like who does not suck me when I have not unscrewed the cover of the toilet to punish me or something like that, it’s going to piss me off! Sex should not be a blackmail argument!


10) Statistics

In the 1970s, 55% of men had oral sex.
In the 1970s, 66% of men had oral sex.
Today, 88.5% of women aged 35-39 have experienced blowjob. 90.5% of men of the same age have already been sucked. About the regular practice with pleasure (or at least without displeasure), it is 70% among 25-34 years…


In summary :

Whether it’s to make me orgasm, or just to warm me and have sex with me right after, that’s how I like blowjobs. If your girl sucks in a bad way, it’s difficult to directly tell your girlfriend, you have to be diplomatic. Why not watching a porn with her, where the girl sucks like you would like her to try to suck you?