How to talk to her effectively?
a) The chat
You must be able to improvise a little. The chat is very important. It is : to be funny, original and confident. This is avoiding boring topics (religion, politics, personal problems, money), and trying to see if you have points in common with her (education, interests, hobbies). Create a link as soon as possible! Observe the politicians!
b) The timetag
The technique is used in two stages. First, during the conversation, you must explicitly mention an activity that you can do together and watch her reaction which will indicate her level of interest in this activity. If she responds positively, then you know that this activity would be a good potential date if she reacts negatively: you have to try again later with another activity.
c) The sexualisation
You usewords like :sensuality,eroticism, desire, welfare, heat, momentout of time, violentattraction,desire, life, passion, fusionof the bodies…You aretactile.You makeinnuendo.You cannot beconfused with a”friend.”
d) The silences
The obsession of a man seducing a girl can be “especially avoiding the break in theconversation.” Focusing on it, means forgetting all the things that actually create attraction in the conversation. But when you are with your good friends, your family, friends, etc … a moment of silence is seen as normal.
e) The points of view
“Talking like her” is simply taking back to your account the ideas she likes the most. During your appointment, you will discuss many topics. Before giving your opinion on some of them, wait until she expressed her opinion, to resume it (rephrasing) a few minutes later.
f) The synchronization
1) The synchronization of the movements :
At first, you repeat her movements, then you do them at the same time until she is reproducing your gestures. You became the leader of the discussion: you have the possibility to choose a direct or an inverted synchronization!
Creating some rapport means that the target is comfortable in our presence: she is not on her guard. We must act in a certain order. If your target moves her foot with a regular frequency, repeat this rhythm like tapping on your thighs with fingers. To attract a partner, you should copy her body position. Your attitude should reflect hers. When you are experienced, you can even copy your breath, your voice, etc.
2) The verbal synchronization :
The verbal synchronization comes from the same synchronization acceptance than the synchronization of the movements. It covers both the rate of speech, the power of the voice and its height (rather severe or acute for example) and the formulation used.
If you synchronize at the verbal level, you speak the language of the other:
– Vocabulary based on the main system of the target (VAK)
– Level of language;
– Subjective vision of the world, you know the person.
I go into a store to buy a computer and because I do not understand much, I want it to be Windows XP like on my old PC.
A) Failed synchronization:
“Hello, I want a computer with a large disk space because I download a lot of movies.” Seller: “We have this PC 40GB with a HD player and a superb integrated webcam I personally use and it is awesome!”
“40 what? I do not speak this language … I would use XP because it is easier for me.”
Seller: “Wow, this is old-fashioned, take at least Windows Vista or Windows 7, it will be nice to browse!” What a mistake! Compare this with a successful synchronization.
B) Successful synchronization:
“Hello, I want to buy a computer with a good disk space for watching movies.”
“Hello, you want to buy a computer? I suggest this one, disk space is large and you so can download many movies.”
“Very good and I would like to use Windows XP because it is easier for me.”
“This computer comes with Windows Vista but XP also works on it, we have it in CD-Rom, and I agree with you: it is easier.”
Reformulation:
This helps the creation of trust.
Reformulation verbatim:
“Hello I would like some information on this offer …”
“Hello, you would like information about our offer …”
Reformulation questioning and reformulation word for word in question form:
“Hello, I would like information on this offer …”
“Hello, so you want information about our offer …?”
A point reformulation is to take only the last words:
“Hello, I would like information on your offer …”
“… information on our offer?”
Reformulation interrupted, your partner will finish the sentence:
“Hello, I would like information about your …”; “Hello, you want information …”; “Yes, it is about your offer …”
The reformulation reframing:
It slightly changes the game, using other words than the interlocutor in order to make him understand that we understood what he meant. This can amplify the positive elements and helps transitioning effectively.
By modifying the data:
“I would like information on …”
“You want to know more about …”
Amplifying the positive:
“Hello, I was not very happy with my second order, but the two last made me happy.”
“Soyou werevery happy withour last twoorders!Know thatwe have a newsystem for processingorders I’ll show you …”
3) The not verbal synchronization:
It is the fact of sync on other things than words or body language:
– The volume of breathing ;
– Speed, flow, volume, tone of voice (do not overdo it!)
g) Keywords
You must detect keywords in her speech, and then reuse them in your own phrases so she things that you understand her perfectly. Try to notice changes in her intonations – it will tend to focus on keywords. Locate her turns of phrase.
h) Creation of feelings
These are feelings or messages that you need to create and make your target feel, describing a situation (eg the pleasure one feels when listening to music or eating chocolate). Adaptable to the desire to have a relation with you.
i) Her wished values
You must go through three stages:
– Discover her Value Mask (eg tall boys).
– Questioning to discover her Desired Value (eg sense of security).
– Creating a link between you and DV.
j) Ears
If you want to touch the sentimental side of the girl, you must speak to her in the left ear. If you want to make her see reason, or persuade her, you should rather aim right ear.
k) No to « no »
If you ask her to go to the movies, for example, it is better to opt for “Wanna go to the movies?” Instead of “Oh, don’t you would like to see this movie?” Because in the second case, the message already contains a negation and this will influence her decision.
l) The bridge towards the future
By pretending that you still will see each other in many months, the one that you are interested in will feel much safer with you, like if you were already close.
m) The analogical marking
Ex: Did it ever happen to you to fall in love with a totally unknown man? Someone you just met? (with a hand gesture, you discreetly designate yourself.)
n) The words to be avoided
Using “yes but” cancels everything. It cancels what is after and puts tension in the interaction. The “but” cancels only the words before and highlights the words that come after. The “and” preserves everything. Words to be avoided are : negative terms and those related to a problem because the unconscious does not receive a denial because it receives every word you speak as a direct suggestion that will turn into action as a change in your feelings.
o) The metaphors
With these stories, which seem simple, you can send a message to the unconscious, without this solution is analyzed by the subject’s consciousness
p) The proximity bubble
Perhaps you have already noticed or felt that you have been suspicious when a stranger approached too close to you to ask information; you would have preferred that the other person respects your Proximity Bubble. Do not sit in front of the person but in front of and a little on his/her right or left, and in an appropriate distance defined by the nature of your relationship with the target (professional, friendly …).
q) Some other techniques of communication
Active listening:
To create a relationship of trust, we must be attentive to the information provided on both the conscious level and the unconscious level (verbal, non-verbal, para-verbal). We must calibrate IE observe to collect a lot of information. We must think and act accordingly to adapt the behavior and words. Must be consistent and convey the message effectively.
Indirect statements:
Do not make assumptions or statements that could be considered as such but rather admit that you do not know, or rather not yet… This is the low position “only those who are at the top of the mountain can fall!” The one who controls a situation is the one who knows how to adapt by showing behavioral flexibility!
“I was wondering if … I’m curious … Can you tell me … I would like to …” we ask for something indirectly!
“I was wondering if you could apply a discount on this item”
“I remind you that I have already applied a discount to your first product!”
“I was just sharing with you the question I asked myself, it was in no way a request but a personal question …”
The principle of positive intention:
“Everything has its purpose even if we do not always understand.”
It is a choice of map of the world. You will never know what the person in front of you really think so you can give the benefit of the doubt or better the one of the good intention. Life will so appear to you more beautiful.
Truisms:
State a truism to say something that is obvious “we feel better when we are well installed” or describe something undeniable “you have a red car”. The person cannot disagree. It puts him/her in good condition.
The yes-set:
This is a series of truisms, and then place a direct suggestion in an atmosphere of unconscious acceptance.
“You have changed your tie, black on this dark suit, it was red last week, you’re beautiful. Let’s sign this contract now!”
4 truisms and direct suggestion …
No-set:
This is the opposite of yes-set. A climate of denial is created in her mind.
Nominalizations:
They are vague and uncountable terms used to better speak the language of the other. Liberty, equality, fraternity, curiosity, knowledge, comfort, road, change, light, love, peace, emotion, life … are examples of nominalizations.
Links:
This allows you to link two sentences : interesting because the bonds are a method that facilitates the acceptance of a suggestion by a person : and, then, as well, so, while, …
“This steak is super good, we ate well, so now go and sign the order …” There is no direct link between the two things but hey it works!
The link between cause and effect:
“It is eleven o’clock so I will introduce articles that you like”
The dual-link
It is the choice between two proposals, but in fact it is only an illusion:
“You pay now or in one month?” doesn’t matter ’cause will pay for it.
“Do you prefer the black or the white computer?” doesn’t matter because will take one of the two.
“Want to rent the villa for the weekend or next weekend?” Same thing.
Presuppositions:
This is a subtext to maximize the chances of acceptance.
“When you will order one of our products, please call me before, I have something to tell you.” Here, we mean that the customer will order something. In addition, we play on the curiosity because we will explain something but only after the order… “When you will do this / please do that”
Omissions:
Here, in fact, we do not specify the object of the sentence. This is the other one who should imagine. For example: I think I would agree. Compared to what? Let the subconscious work.
Take a step back:
Put yourself in the shoes of someone who saw the scene from the outside. Get to the point!
Results of experiments :
– The look helps increasing the rate of acceptance of a request.
– The rarity of a promotion leads customers to take the proposed product.
– The physical appearance of the canvassers increases significantly their effectiveness in obtaining donations: in the minds of people, “what is beautiful is good.”
– The technique of “a little is better than nothing” works well.
– Atypical requests lead more people to seek a better justification therefore it’s a better idea to single out our request to maximize our chances.
– A transgression came true in situation of anonymity, with masks, but disappeared when we had beforehand asked them for their name and their address.
– Male students, who had to deal with the attractive girl interlocutor, have significantly changed their point of views about the educational reforms than students who had to deal with the same interlocutor, but unattractive (no makeup, badly dressed).
– The fear appeals do not have the efficiency that one could give them at first. The subjects who were exposed to messages with the least fear appeals changed the more their attitude.
– Everything is more successful to those who touch their fellows. Success, persuasion, seduction, social domination. Still better : touch reduces social conflict, raises more motivation among students and better management of medicines by patients.
– The rule book seems to be : the act of touching a person is exercised by people who are in a position of dominance. Initiate tactile contact is therefore a way to try to establish an implicit hierarchy. This requires to be confident, but the audacity pays because negative reactions are rare: studies between men and women showed that women always accept the tactile contact (courtesy) from a man and it is almost always the case between two men too, except in the special case of homophobic guys.
You understood, these techniques are widely used in the sale. But nothing prevents their use in the context of seduction, where you would sell YOURSELF.