A part of the “feeling” between two people corresponds to the unconscious communication between them. You can increase the number of people with whom you have a feeling by improving your body language and by studying interpersonal communication.
But it’s not just about that.
The exact definition of the feeling is “the way one feels this or that situation”. Because the “feeling” is what a person feels, it depends largely on his/her state of mind (by definition). So, a part of a pick up depends on the mindset of the target.
I have met, as you know, many girls on the Internet. And many of these women wanted to know if there would be “a feeling between us” before coming to my place to make love. In fact, I understand what they meant: they wondered if they would have the intuition that it would be good in bed with me. But I think this is (in a sense) a bad selection criterion. I will explain why.
A question of context
It must be understood that there are situations where a girl will feel the “feeling” with a guy and others where she won’t… with this same guy.
For example, if you go on a first “walking” date with a chick during which you stay one meter from each other all along… this is being little conducive to touch, and thus you have very little chances to have a good “feeling”. A date around a drink would probably be more opportune, especially because you could look at her in the eyes.
But, no matter what kind of dating, it’s often up to us (men) to do the work, to touch the girls and that kind of thing… to make sure there’s a feeling. So that they have the impression that “it goes well” between us.
In fact, it’s boring. When you think about it, most of the chicks are a bit waiting for it to fall down from the sky. And if they are a little stressed by the fact of having date: they will be uncomfortable, which will prevent this famous “feeling” to pass.
Because it is necessary to realize that if the girl does not know how to manage her stress, it will be very easy and very tempting for her to take refuge behind the excuse “we have no feeling” so as not to leave her comfort zone. Then, she will complain to her girlfriends that online dating sucks… when in fact, it is she, who sucks.
I think that at one time or another, if chicks want to orgasm, they have to put some good will into it.
A short story
I remember a date with a girl who wanted to see if there would be a “feeling” between us or not. Online, we decided to go to my house to have a drink but at the last moment in face to face, she demanded to go elsewhere to see if I was not a psychopath who wanted to murder her. Well, if I were a killer, I would not have told her anyway. It’s stupid but so true…
So, I was just out to pick her up and get her to go to my house. I had no money with me nor anything at all. Unprepared, I insisted that she come to my house, like if it was normal (in fact, it is). But she replied “if that’s what you want, I’m leaving, we’re done.” It creates a chill. It was only her second date with Tinder in her whole life and she yet wanted to do things in her own way, to dictate her rules.
I do not know why I accepted (the principle of coherence probably since I had left my house – too bad, there was a good movie on TV). So we went for a “stroll”. But she was simply there, killing my initiatives and redirecting the conversation on asexual subjects.
The worst thing was that she allowed herself to judge a lot of stuff, for example, she told me that only riffraff pick up in the street. Another example: she said she was on Tinder “just for fun” but that my profile had caught her attention but that usually she only met people in parties.
I’m pissed off by this reductive mindset so I did not make any effort and wanted to go home after 30 minutes… even if she was not ugly. It finally lasted 1h30… for nothing. She, just like me, did not want to fuck. Even if we had talked a lot about sex on Tinder.
Yet, if she had come over to drink a tea with me, we could have raised the sexual tension in a place where our impulses could have been unhindered.
It plays, in fact, the intimate place : she could have let herself go and be the bitch she claimed to be on Tinder instead of playing the tight-ass. For my part, I have not been oversexed either, but, in my defense, she left me no chance to be. It makes me laugh, the chicks who would like a guy to kiss them against a wall and fuck them wildly but who keep their distance and send no signal when there is a sex beast in front of them.
Finally, if we had fucked together, I would probably have made her orgasm like she rarely enjoyed in her life (see The awesome lover’s manual), which would have dropped the last barriers of intimacy.
Then, we could really have talked about everything and nothing in a fluid way, without stupid little game. And everyone would have been a winner. We must stop believing that if we do not have much to say before sex, we will have nothing to say afterwards and that the fuck will be bad because we will have no complicity. In fact, sex is an effective way to create a connection with someone.
Instead, it was a lose-lose scenario. Everyone was disappointed. So maybe she did not like me IRL while she liked my pictures (everything is possible)… but in this case, she should have said it directly. We would have saved a lot of time and energy. Even though, finally, this little digestive stroll made me feel good (thanks to it, I slept like a baby after)!
It reminds me of an episode of Sex & The City where Carrie had a sexfriend with whom sex was extraordinary. One day she decided to invite him to the restaurant to do “non-sexual” things and see if a more serious relationship could be envisaged with him. But it turned out that this guy was as boring as rain outside the bed : they had no other complicity than sexual complicity. And yet, she orgasmed like never before with him. So, should she have missed these moments of ecstasy if they had gone on an hypothetical first date at the restaurant ?
In my life, it happened regularly that the chicks who have come to my place to have sex directly are tense, crossed arms, and so on. But as soon as I began to approach to warm them, something lit up in them. And it remained activated after sex. Yet, if we had a drink in a bar with them instead of meeting up at home, I’m not sure I would not have gone back home alone.
Last point, some needed to drink alcohol to feel comfortable enough to do what they really wanted to do in fact. Of course, when you’re drunk, the feeling usually goes much better. But, frankly, we need to know ourselves and control ourselves so that we do not need to resort to those kinds of things that cause health problems.
The conclusion is that “intuition” is a good criterion for those who know themselves a minimum, who assume and who know how to manage their stress. For the others, it’s crap. Finally, I do not throw the stone at them, if they were not torn between the desire to orgasm freely and this fucking social pressure (and by the pressure that they put on themselves on their own)… we would not be in this situation !
Good luck, kinky boys!