“A real man doesn’t cry.” Have you ever heard this phrase? What do you think about it?
Some say a too sensitive man is not really a man. It is a cliché to say this, but this image dies hard. Take the example of our dear friend James Bond: some think that a real man must do like him and not feeling (or showing) emotions.
This is wrong, of course. Emotions have an important role in the lives of women and men. Trying to turn off your feelings would generate many problems. Although the idea seems attractive, it is not necessarily a good one. And crying, except cleaning the eyes, it is also useful to set yourself free from negative emotions buried in you : some are liberating tears.
What are emotions?
The emotions we feel have an impact on our physiology. Emotions are, simply put, related to the levels of certain hormones. An emotion alone can speed up your heart beat even if the rest of your body doesn’t move! Via adrenaline, for example. Another example: breathing speed up under stress, some even hyper-breakdown in case of huge stress. Some even have dizziness or even vanish due to a strong emotion. More positive: pupils dilate when feels interest or pleasure, etc. These signals help us to survive. Fear, for example, puts us in a state of flight or fight. Emotions allow our bodies to get in condition to react to a given situation.
The big problem is that sometimes, just imagining, thinking again about, or dreaming of a situation is enough to trigger the corresponding emotions and sometimes the physiological responses. For example: my anxiety attacks. It’s mostly in preconscious I imagine a catastrophic situation. I start feeling bad without really understanding why, then I say to myself that I have a health problem, and here we go : anxiety attack.
Emotions also help making not obvious (or easy) decisions. E.g. they make you feel smothered in a toxic relationship. Even if you do not manage to put the words on why you “feel” there’s probably still something wrong. If you act against your values or your happiness, emotions sound in one way or another tje alarm to tell you it is time to redress the balance.
Whether we wanted it or not, verbally or not, we express things. You cannot not communicating. We communicate through our emotions. That’s why it is so difficult to bluff when we play poker. There are too many muscles on the face, some of them very difficult to control (you do not even know that most of them exist), which only serve to transcribe our emotional state. There are dozens of micro-expressions as, for example, those that The Mentalist tries to recognize to see if someone is lying or not (yet need to know what to look for).
We are all equipped with unaware sensors that allow us to understand if our partner is angry, happy, sad, scared, excited, etc. Sometimes even we react without consciously saying to ourselves “hey, he is scared him”… but we still adapt. We just adapt our behavior in the most profitable way to our interests. The communication of emotions is two-way, the control is very delicate, and we all react to emotions that are communicated. Where from the principle of contagion of emotions: being sexually aroused, being relaxed and confident, or simply being happy: it is unconsciously on your face. And it influences the chicks reactions ( more often positively).
How to manage our emotions?
Some emotions are repressed by the socio-cultural environment, or the fixed ideas of our parents or friends. It is often difficult, but it is most of the time useful to put into words our feelings to be able to act in the best way to feel good. Why keeping buried in us something that eats us from the inside? But on the other hand, how to get rid? Sometimes it’s repressed; too, we do not even know why it is like that. Sometimes we reproduce a diagram. Well, I am not a psychotherapist so I cannot tell you more about how to heal emotions that hurt us. Instead, I will tell you about how to use them constructively in your game.
I prefer using the “emotional contagion” to motivate, charm, excite, help and even make shameless people around me. When I give a fuck about people, I try to pay attention to the signals they send me and to my feelings during interactions. Exchange is always more beneficial to both parts. In addition, it is better calibrated and more sincere.
I remember when I started to conclude at most of my dates, I had a simple technique. I did not try to talk about me. Nor to sell myself. I was just trying to get them talking about them, get them talking about light stuff, without fuss. I was trying to avoid the nervous movements and all the stuff that breaks sexual tension. From time to time, I handed a sexual perch to see how they react. If it did not work, I told them they had a dirty mind. If it took, I did it again a little later to put their minds salacious ideas and dirty desires! They often reproached me for not talking enough about me, then: they asked me a question, just listened to the answer and started again talking about themselves. And in the end, they said they felt very comfortable with me and wanted to sleep with me.
Can we always feel “good”?
Well, finally, I’m going to destroy a myth (one more). Would you like to be happy every day? Know that this is impossible. And it would not be a good thing, anyway. We NEED negative emotions (of course not excessively but wisely). We need them because they warn us, warn us of danger and keep us alive as prepare us to react. People who do not feel pain, for example, can burn their hand without even noticing it. Those who do not experience fear (eg if the amygdala is removed) less enjoy security and will be tempted to take unnecessary risks. Thus, their life expectancy is shorter.
Imagine if you were watching the weather and they say that it will be fine tomorrow, when in fact there will be a hurricane: it would not be very useful. And even worse it does not allow you to prepare yourself. You might even be surprised and hurt by the storm.
What is true, on the other hand, is that it is interesting to shield a bit if we are very sensitive. Or working on your empathy if you have a heart of stone. It is important to have a balance. Not being too cold but not too weak either. I have always been a sensitive boy, even VERY sensitive. Like: I love animals, I even save ants in the pool, etc. I have also a lot of empathy, I sometimes suffer with the people for things that hardly affect me. At first the girls have continually disappointed me, hurt me, etc. But with time and experience, I shielded, and now it is them who often get addicted before me. Finally, I am far from being a rock either, a small heart beats under my PUA shield. And it’s not always easy, but I’m proud of it. Proud of keeping this human side, this romantic side, this fragile side. I guess that I will never become arrogant nor contemptuous jerk (some people think I am) I hope someone I’ll stay simple and accessible. All this to say that yes, it helps to shield a little, when one is too sensitive, it helps to regain control. But using the game (or any power) to make people suffer ways means a lot : people who do that are to be pitied because they feel pains and subconsciously want your to suffer and feel as bad as them. Or they are psychopaths. I react differently to my pain and I hope I’ll inspire some : why not rather doing our best making so that others have a little joy? Especially if it does not cost much to us. And then, who knows …? Karma you may pay you back.