The phrase “the grass is greener elsewhere” is used when we imagine the situation elsewhere (where ? it’s often indeterminate) is better than the one we have.
However, this is mostly an optical effect that gives to the grass of the neighbor a perfect shine ONLY if you look quickly and by far. But closely and with attention it’s often longer the same delusion. For example, if you look at the FB profile of the girlfriend of one of our friends: she looks probably more awesome than what she is in real life.
Which brings me to the following questions: why do unknowns often seem hotter than the chicks we have? Why, for the same physical appearance, unknown almost always turn us on more than our usual sexfriend? Why do we tend to desire more those we have not?
Will we always experience desire for other people?
The inconvenient truth today is: whether you are a couple or single, you will always feel desire for other chicks. At least a little bit, make no mistake. Watching is human, desire too. In addition, the alpha male is often in contact with his conqueror’s instinct, so he loves the flesh. But that does not mean he cannot fall in love.
Let’s clarify immediately the thing (for the haters): loving the new and the unknown is healthy and invigorating. Discovering a country, a film, a book, a dish, a music: vitality and health marks. But we slide in the disease when we only carbide with things newer than new. We know it, all the excesses are problematic.
I think we all have an inclination, an attraction, a fascination, even a need for novelty… do the consumer society plays on it to make us buy stuff, or is it the society that creates this need… I don’t know but it doesn’t matter, the result is the same: the fold is taken. We are conditioned to neophilia (not necessarily sexual but it influences us). And besides, when you see the hotties they show us on TV, you think you can necessarily have better than your girlfriend.
Sexual neophilia carbide with unusual smells, the unknown epidermis, the unconquered looks at the unexplored nudity. But, what is familiar, known and tamed doesn’t excite much more. It is the transformation of a healthy human aspect (the taste for discovery) in compulsive neurosis. “I love women so much that I would like to catch them all!”
The novelty has a magical stimulating effect on my desire, I admit: the spell is amplified by unprecedented. People like me have a strong need for novelty, stimulation intensity. Much more than the average human. But this is not a disease, I often talked to psychologists: it is a personality trait located at one extreme of the standard. However, make no mistake “not the average” always complicates life because our society is not thought for extremes when it comes to what it is accustomed to offer and tolerate.
In short, we surely still have some desire for women that are not ours, at least until our hormones had calmed down. In people who are beginning to be old, it calms I think, but it does not prevent them from enjoying the beauty of certain bodies.
Do we have as many choices as we think ?
With Happn or Tinder, one can easily believe that thousands of pretty girls are at hand. But is that really the case?
In theory yes, but in practice it is different. There are lots of fake profiles and photoshoped photos on dating sites. It’s the same in clubs: there are girls who excite us when they are dressed sexy but we must realize that we see hardly see their face because of the light, and if we ever see her in the daylight, we may not even notice them. And in the street : when hardly crossed they may seem beautiful, but only because we did not yet had time to notice their imperfections. It makes us surely feel good to fantasize, though. But it should not distance us from our girlfriend, who is real.
I advise you to sit on the subway trying to see objectively how many girls are as pretty as your sweetheart. Personally, I have seen very few. My impression so far was there were plenty… but in fact, no! Certainly, tastes and colors, it is discussed, but you get the idea: our imagination is fertile and sometimes we lose sight of the luck that we have.
I’m not saying that there would be nothing to do, anyway. I’m just saying that they are often less beautiful than our girl. And besides, we have not yet spoken to them, maybe, they are vulgar, stupid or not interested. It happened to me also to meet beautiful and smart girls, to sleep with them, but one thing pissed me off : in particular, I remember one who smoked all the time. While a girl less hot (but still pretty) would not necessarily have pissed me off. What is it better for the long term? Hot and with a perfect character, yes I know. But does Santa exist?
I have during a long time sought an ideal of beauty because I thought for reproduction. I really wanted a girl with blue eyes for my children to have clear eyes, but actually I thought… I could very well send them my brown eyes. So if my girlfriend is nice with her blue eyes but does not transmit because of me, too bad! For me, it’s better a girl with brown eyes but still hot !
I also wanted a tall girl so my children will be because I would have liked to be tall. However, the mother of my brother is 1m55 and he is 1m90. My mother is 1m60 and I am medium sized. We’ve got the same father. So there’s nothing absolute with genetics, actually. I just think that, ideally we should not take a headache with this. Simply let nature do : if there is a strong attraction between us it’s probably for good reason.
The legend of the marriage says that the character and the complicity we share with the girl are more important than physical appearance: that with time, we do not really see if she’s cute or not. So I’m not telling you to take you a ugly one, but I advise you to don’t take a girl just because she is pretty. If she is a pain in the ass or is unhealthy, next! The wedding legend also says that husbands often cheat on their wives during the midlife crisis, maybe can we prevent it through the pickup? If we play the womanizers when we are young, we will surely less feel the need to do it later?
So when you find a shoe to fit, why not settle for enjoying life (of course if she still meets some basic criteria)?
Is there no other things to enjoy hunting?
Now that we understand that perfection does not exist, we can realize how lucky we are that this girl loves us. Takes care of us. It is often difficult to realize the value of what we have before losing it. But by wanting to put a card in excess on the Castle, everything can collapse.
So yes, there will always be a desire for other women (often a fleeting desire) but that’s not why our dear is not satisfying us. On the other hand, we can be afraid of commitment, so we may use the excuse of the pickup to continue to flutter with the unconscious hope to mess it up with HER. If this is your case, the goal of this article isn’t to criticize you but to offer food for thought.
All that to say that swimming on the surface should not prevent us from discovering the beauty and density of depths. Needing fresh meat to be able to desire, to get hard happily, to be totally wet and to forcefully fuck seems to me infinitely sad. Some women have more to offer than a pussy. And it’s worth to slow down pickup for them. I do not want to continue to pick up chicks who are 18 on Tinder when I will be 35. I agree it can be cute when you’re young to be a womanizer, but after I find the idea sadder than anything. My goal when I started the game, was to find a girl. So I had disappointments, I had periods of intense fuck like a production chain, like you I guess but when you find something special despite all that: it’s a gem you should polish (like my dick).
And in addition, thanks to the time released, we should be able to find other exciting areas in our daily life! Such as sports, writing, work…
What could you miss by aiming always higher, by always wanting other women?
By never attaching to any woman, you risk to not build a family and to be alone when old and senile. In deciding that you will do it “later” and by refusing the good opportunities that the God of the Game has put in your way, you risk to don’t really know the woman you will spend the rest of our days with. Basically, you may make a decision in a hurry with the last ones who remain available.
Okay, we’re young and we could certainly still enjoy… but sometimes you meet a girl that makes others seem bland. A girl that makes you want to spend the weekend cooing in your nest rather than picking up. A girl that makes you want to call her at night just to hear her voice while you have never done that before. If it seems long when you did not see her for 3 days, in this case you’ve to think.
A depth relationship can also be a wealth: there are cool things to do in couple (for example to see how it goes in the libertine clubs). There’s good times to share that do not necessarily involve sex. New experiences to do in bed and out of bed. It also allows helps in life, to project with someone… It makes us go on.
This is an aspect of seduction is unknown by compulsive players. Also, if you have the chance to have a baby who also likes girls, you can continue to pickup a little… like a team this time. Continuing to discover new body because you will surely miss it. This is the routine that frightens me the most, actually… some people they like it, but that terrifies me.
By focusing on a woman, you may become sensitive to things that normally would slip on you. If your baby slept elsewhere, or when you think about her and visualize her in bed with her ex, it irritates! On the other hand, if she had no experience and if she was lame in the sack, she would not interest you. This is the flip side: her purity becomes important to you… we become dependent.
So it was nice to be the first and only man to make her come, the only one she made threesomes with, or what do I know. We may be the first for many things, it still annoys us to think about her past sexuality. But what counts is the future and the present, right? Guys who fucked her badly a few times and she hardly remembers them, is it worth taking a headache for it? In addition it will be the same with any girl that may meet, it seems. Finally here, she has some power over us now. Shit !
It is also necessary that we really match
I will always caution against the same thing so I do it again: the fake love. The love we imagine. Many people are “waiting to find love” because they feel that it will be “the happiness that will fall from the sky on them without they ever need to make any effort.” And so they can finally live happy !!! Is not that ridiculous? Love brings new problems, new efforts to make…
For the record, I remind you that my brother is married with a girl who would make me ashamed and he is really pulled down, both financially and socially. So watch out and stay alpha !
Take heart!!!