January 22th 2016,
What follows is an emotional purge. Decidedly, this year 2016 promises quite a lot of quirks: I paid for it yesterday, again. But let’s start from the beginning.
Since my last field-report, I had a dick pain for a week. Must say that in addition to the girl from La Réunion, I fucked hard The Teacher and The Estate Agent.
On Friday, Virginie visited me. I was happy but… she pissed me off. There was nothing that went as she wanted, she counted the calories of what I ate, saying that I did not attract her anymore because I had become too fat. What I proposed to do on Saturday afternoon did not suit her, then she reproached me for not proposing anything. So we watched movies… that she didn’t like, of course. At night, I snored too much for her taste, so she went sleeping in the bathroom, complaining that even with the door closed she could hear me. She made no effort to talk, answered “yes” or “no” (mostly no) and when I tried to start the conversation, I was entitled to a shitty answer like : “do you know that?
– no and you ?
– NO, OTHERWISE I WOULD NOT ASK.”
In short, she was in a bitchy mode. She told me that I did not understand anything and everything. So, I got pissed off and I broke up with her. Maybe that unconsciously, it is what she wanted. Except that I did it on Saturday afternoon and she stayed until Sunday night (because of her reservation on Blablacar). The atmosphere was tense, it was really contentious. I think, however, deep down, that it is for the best, it is more honest for my relationship with The Teacher.
Last Monday, I had planned to meet up with a 19 year old chick but she got cold feet at the last moment « I have my periods but if you want we can meet up anyway if you think I’m still worth it
– OK.
– Uh… do you mind if you see each other only as friends tonight?
– Yeah, but we can do funny things together even if you have your period.
– No, I do not feel like it.
– Okay then yeah it bothers me. » Suddenly, she did not come and no longer answered to my messages. I knew it was a kind of shit-test but I hate this mentality. Instead, I watched a movie and I fell asleep. I really needed some rest.
I’m really tense right now (the slightest thing pisses me off). I digested this shitty week-end and the break-up with Virginie: after two years of relationship, it’s a mess, anyway. I’m afraid my dark modjo will take over again. Especially that I’m pressurized at work because of the fucking tax period. My boss even wants me to come working on Saturdays for three months. Luckily, my dad visited me this week. We spent three days together. He’s cool, my dad, he tidied up my apartment. It got me up.
Tuesday: I spoke with a girl on Adopteunmec who told me she was “transgender”. I asked what it is, she replied « I take hormones to transform myself, my penis has become small and I have breasts growing ». Out of curiosity I asked what we could do together « I can suck you, and sodomy ». Yeah, well, no. I’m not very into sodomy, I guess I prefer the other fun box. I then spoke with an arab girl who wanted to be fucked for the first time in the dark… without knowing the guy. She has already tried with another guy from the dating site but the guy did not manage to get his dick into her. True story. It could be funny but it turns out that she’s a total LSE who has no self-confidence. The kind who always says “well, bye” if I do not answer within an hour (while she wants to continue the conversation in fact).
Wednesday, I blown my nose when I got to work at 8 am and the handkerchief was full of blood. I freaked out, I was afraid of a stroke. Well, I survived but it’s scary : I was entitield to a crisis of anxiety…
Yesterday, it was a hectic day: I had a date with a very cute Breton but I was very tired because of the pool and I frankly did have enough energy for seducing her. I nevertheless tried. Perhaps should I have listened to the Force and should I have aborted the mission.
Our story began three months ago, she had to come to my place but had canceled 3 times at the last moment pretending “having to stay late at work”. I sent her the message of the last chance and she wanted us to really meet up this time, admitting that what she had told me before was a lie.
She asked for a glass of water before fucking while sitting down on the bed. The discussion was fun even though she seemed a bit tense. I tried to make her feel comfortable, I teased her and made her talk about her passion for her job (biological research) and other bullshit like that.
When I started getting a bit bored, I fiddled with her. She kissed me. Then, she proposed getting in underwear under the duvet. I told her she was pretty… she replied « thank you at least you know how to make compliment… you say what you think.
– What?
– Nothing. Forget it. I don’t want to talk about it. » I thought she was fat when she was young or something like that. Anyway, I plugged her brain on a bad thing, I guess.
Once we both were comfortable in the bed, I thought I was going to stroke her pussy. She accepted. I kissed her then put my hand in her panties, fingered her and went down licking her after having licked her belly.
After a while, when she was very wet, she began to say, “No, no, we can’t do that.” So I told her that yes, we can, and everything, and then she started pulling my hair and then said “oh yeah, keep going.” So here we were in the bed doing funny stuff and all that, then suddenly, she went crazy. She stood up suddenly and began to hold her own head and say strange stuff. « No, fuck, we can not do that. We can not do that.
– Ah …
– No seriously, we cannot. I cannot ! That’s all. We can not do that, it’s impossible. It’s just crazy. I can not. I know that I have turned you on by messages! That I played the hot chick! I’m ashamed, I’m sorry to do that to you… plus, you’re very nice and cute! I am ashamed ! You do not deserve that.
– Well, calm down. No problem.
– I have to go, I have to go home. I am with another man in my head, it is not honest. I like to really be into it action when I am having sex. It’s not you, it’s me. You did nothing wrong! » It changes everything if it is not me, but she…! Well, it looked like she did not have much experience, so I think she just freaked out and is suffering from an IO (maybe it’s about her ex).
She got dressed in front of me, so I pretended to masturbate and asked her to help me. “You want me to make you ejaculate, right?
– Yeah, you’re not gonna leave me like that, right ?
– Sorry, but I would feel raped. I cannot. Sorry.”
I understood that she was having a stress, nerves or anxiety attack : her panties and jeans were nevertheless soaked. So I proposed her to sit in my arms for 5 minutes, in order to just calm down. At this moment, she began to kiss me like a sort of passionate psychopath, but she did not let me go under her clothes anymore.
She opened the door of my room, and closed it by slamming it violently. In short, she left so I told this story on my favorite forum and fell asleep. Let’s see the positive things : I caressed the body of a pretty girl, I went to bed early and I am telling you a story of insurmountable last minute resistance (I guess I have not done that yet).
But seriously, the more I think about it and the more I wonder : WTF? What is that ? From the moment she started the process of going bad, why does she say that she is with her ex or a hypothetical buddy in her mind? We should always go to the end of our actions (when they are not bad) ! She’s sorry about what, fuck. For me, it’s a mistake to prefer to live in a dream and be unhappy rather than taking the good things life gives us and enjoying. People are becoming less aware of the importance of the present moment. The chicks really have the art of getting a headache! Perhaps should I have fucked her without any preliminary. It would have been good for both of us. After all, isn’t it possible to forget ourselves into sex, just like in anything addictive? Why is sex taboo when alcohol is tolerated and we’re even talking about legalizing cannabis?
In the absence of her pussy, many questions touched me: didn’t she like me ? Did I get too fat? Did I lick her badly? Did I smell chlorine? Did I fart into bed without realizing it? It is not very good for my level of confidence before the match France-Russia, all these questions.
The God of the Game wasn’t with me.