Author: Fabrice Julien PUA

On the Internet we can find all sorts of advice (more or less good) when we type “how to approach a woman?” I will therefore make here a synthesis of good advice to approach a girl well.

Obviously, this is not going to fit in a single page because we do not approach the same way when we approach a stranger in the street, a woman in a party or at work, college, etc. It is necessary to develop a minimum without writing a book of 1000 pages. Hard, this exercise!

In life, we often see women we like but it is difficult to approach them and break the ice. In short, making the first contact with unknowns that we like is almost an art. Approaching in the street, it’s even harder !

 

Why approaching strangers?

Often, when we meet a girl we like, we do not try anything. Sometimes we are afraid of losing (not knowing what to say, being ridiculous, being rejected), sometimes we are afraid of success (sexual anxiety, etc.)

But it is a shame because by not approaching these women we like, we deprive ourselves of potential relationships in which we could flourish. In fact, we have everything to gain by trying our luck with unknowns… and not much to lose (if one thinks well, anyway, we do not know the girl and we will not see her again unless trying something).

By approaching, we give ourselves the choice and maximize our chances. Indeed, if we do not approach, we are then limited to the girls of our close entourage… girls we do not necessarily like. Who really has the choice in life, in fact? Girls who can only answer “yes” or “no” to guys who approach them… or guys who can approach almost all the girls they want?

So, be careful, eh, when I talk about approaching strangers, I do not speak of street harassment because YES, we can approach with politeness and respect, and YES, many women enjoy that… whatever Marion Séclin and her girlfriends say!

 

Limiting beliefs

Most guys who do not approach women are full of limiting beliefs. They are convinced that it is wrong, that they piss the chick off, that only the losers of the cities approach in the street, that the girl they could meet is too good for them, etc.

Finally, through these beliefs implanted by education, society keeps men on a leash and invites them to stay in their place.

Some guys nevertheless realize the absurdity of the thing and manage to dare to approach. But they do it with shame, they speak with a small voice (usually it goes up in acute), are afraid of the gaze of others, etc.

In short, they only half assume their step, wonder what the girl will think of them, if she will reject them, and so on. They are not really in the moment.

The reality is that to approach a girl the good way, beliefs are decisive. They are your reality that you take everywhere with you.

The first of the victories for you should not be to do not be rejected by a woman, but to have dared to approach a woman… whether it works or not! Little by little, you will change your state of mind, you will arm yourself and you will become less and less afraid to approach unknowns (well, approach anxiety never completely disappears but it nevertheless decreases sharply).

You must work on your mind to have constructive, positive beliefs that will help you taking action and achieving your goals with women. So tell yourself that babes love to be approached by men like you. That’s a chance for her! Sometimes it will really be the case, sometimes not, but the most important thing is that you keep your morale and you have sex !

Personally, I know that if I fuck a girl, she will orgasm as rarely in her life. So, when a woman rejects me, my belief is that she loses more than me so… so much the worse for her!

 

Only handsome men can be successful in approaching unknowns

In fact, knowing that one is beautiful gives a certain amount of confidence, which is doubly appealing. But if you are not particularly beautiful, you can still feel confident and be attractive… anyway, having the balls to approach a girl you like, in itself is already attractive because it is showing a lot of courage and strenght of character!

In addition, being beautiful can be a problem on the long-term because the receptive chicks may think that you are necessarily faithful… and will be wary of the seducer that you are (sometimes they are afraid of womanizers if they are not really confident).

 

Errors on physical appearance

Avoid stinking when approaching a stranger.

Hairdress a little, but not like a first-class boy or a nerdy.

Cut off the hairs that grow on the ears or protrude from the nose.

Dress in a way that gives a good picture of you because, when you approach an unknown, the first impression plays enormously. Indeed, the girl has only a few seconds to put you in a box (if possible “potential lover”), basically, to decide if she wants to go further with you or not. Do not blame her, it is the game, but put all the same the maximum of chances on your side.

You understand the logic: do not get eliminated…

 

Body Language

Your eyes, your way of posing your voice, your smile, your way of holding yourself: it is all part of the body language and is, with your dress style, the first thing that the woman you are talking to sees.

I make it short: a good body language, confident, it is simply a relaxed body language.

The emotions are contagious so to put the chick you approach at ease, it is absolutely necessary to avoid communicating stress. But you must still have some authority in the voice to make her stop walking and stay talking with you (do not run after a girl to pick her up while she ignores you or leaves despite the fact that she heard you…)

 

The approach sentences (openers)

Always prefer a contextual approach because when it is personalized according to the girl and the situation, it saves you from passing for one of these clones of the pick-up. The girl is convinced that you do not use one of those ready-made phrases you could repeat by playing a role. If in doubt, always prefer frankness and sincerit …

A contextual (or situational) approach contributes to the fact that the girl feels that she is unique to you and that you are not a serial seducer (many do not like this idea).

 

Direct and indirect approaches

A direct approach is to explicitly declare your interest in the girl you are approaching. For example “I like your style so I came talking to you.”

The indirect approach is “I am looking for a gift for my sister and I need a feminine opinion”. That’s crap! Prefer direct approaches because it pays better…

The more you are in an environment where there are a lot of women (street, big clubs, Internet) the more you can be cash because you will not be easily plugged in as a sex-starved who tries with all the hot chicks… which would of course lower your value).

If you decide to approach in a closed environment (at work, at university, etc.) then you must be less direct to preserve your reputation.

To get to know a girl with whom you have common friends, the easiest way is to take part in a conversation with her and other people, or make yourself be introduced to her at a party, etc.

Do not put too much pressure on subjects of conversation because, remember, in any case, when two people enjoy: the important thing is to start the conversation, whatever the subject. If you like the girl she will be happy and it will be great…

 

Small talk

It is sure that knowing a little improvising and chattering the chicks is always useful. But do not bother to do too much: it is better to approach with a low level of energy than with a level too high…

 

Time limits

Putting a limit of time when approaching, it avoids passing for a weirdo that will stick the girl for hours and it reassures as to your “normality”. But be smart and do not say “I have to join friends after then I only have 2 minutes” because it would make it impossible to make n instant date. Prefer to say “I was with friends and I am going home…”

 

Sexualization

It is important to sexualize the conversation so as not to fall into the friendzone… but do not do anything in any context as you would take the risk of passing for a pervert. So, to go further, I invite you to read my ebook “Friendzone and sexualization“.

Also beware of cockblocks, jealous friends, other guys who want to fuck the girl, etc. I give tips in 1000 sexy alpha funny lines to manage them well.

 

The rejection

We don’t give a shit about rejection: there are a lot of fish in the ocean. In addition, if you’d win each time, the game would not even be funny and the win would not have the same flavor. So, show yourself unaffected in case of rejection, as if the girl had lost more than you in interaction… and move on!

Above all, learn to differentiate rejection (abandon) and resistance (insist a little because some chicks need you to show their determination before allowing themselves to yield).

Well, I hope you like it. Do not hesitate to complete this article in the comments if you see other things to say!

When we want to approach a girl, when we are with a chick and hesitate to kiss her (or simply to sexualize the interaction), a little voice in our mind almost always whispers apologies to tempt us to do not act.

These excuses make people hesitate, procrastinate and sometimes even cause unpleasant physical sensations in some people (stress rises, heartburns, febrile legs, trembling voice) because of the internal conflict they create: basically, you wanna take action, but at the same time, you prevent yourself from doing it.

Thanks to these shitty excuses, the man can do nothing without too much remorse. Yes, it is much simpler to invent apologies than to confront fears … but it is not satisfactory. When we do this, somewhere in us, we realize that we are lying.

Where do these excuses come from?

Because we are a rather “intelligent” race, we tend to think and find excuses instead of following directly our first thought. This is the bad side of an evolved brain. My dog and my cat, for example, when they want to see someone, they go straight and jump on him or her without asking themselves many questions. To overcome your blockages, it would therefore be necessary to stop thinking too much and act!

Examples of excuses:

– I do not have time to go out and pickup right now, I’m too busy (when in fact… no…)
– I will not approach this girl, I’m already talking to another girl by texts on my phone, it would not be polite…
– Well… I’ll talk to her later, when she will no longer be with her friends who could judge me…
– I can not try to kiss her, I did not wash my teeth at noon…
– I have not showered since last night, I can not fuck her… and then, anyway, I jerked yesterday so I do not really have desire…

How can this silly little inner voice be silenced?

1/ Unfortunately, we can not silence our inner voice. On the other hand, we can don’t give a shit about what she tells or even take some malicious delight in contradicting her. Frankly, between us, it’s up to the girl to decide if she wants to kiss you or not, whether you have your teeth clean or not, so try your luck and you’ll see !!! Do not decide for people based on what you think they think…

2/ Another solution is to replace this inner voice which finds excuses by a voice that says more constructive things, for example “put one foot in front of the other, walk towards this beautiful blonde, look at her in the eyes and talk to her.”

3/ One can also sing or talk to a buddy so that the small inner voice can not express itself by saying negative things. It is in fact easier to control your inner voice than your external voice… and, fortunately, the two are struggling to express themselves at the same time!

How to dare?

At first, it is normal to sometimes be afraid to take action and seek to justify it afterwards. But to progress in seduction and move on in life, it is imperative to take a positive step.

The best solution is to decide something and do it. Set rules and stick to them, whatever the situation. In any case, the perfect situation does not often exist, so it’s better to adapt to a present situation rather than to fantasize on better conditions. However, because self-discipline often isn’t often enought, other avenues must be considered.

1/ One solution is to practice until you get sick of not getting there. Then, to get angry with yourself because you still do not dare to do what you want to do. Most men make the mistake of giving up when they get upset while it is a very powerful source of energy that can be exploited. Sometimes I force myself to approach at the beginning of the session (because the fear of the approach is and will surely always be there) but I do not expect anything from the chicks to whom I speak (I am in the game more than in the stake ). I do my act, I get rejected and I see it as a warm-up. Then I get upset because I realize that the fear of approach is useless. And it is often once warm that I no longer feel social fear and that I try some very daring things that sometimes work. Note that desensitization to social rejection also works with alcohol but I do not advise you to drink because it is very bad for health. And because a drunk guy is not very sexy.

2/ Some people overcome their fear of approach through small rituals or fetishes that allow them to motivate themselves and find enough courage to overcome their fears. Personally, I like to calm down before so I start playing on my breath, taking long inspirations/expirations.

3/ Frequenting and going out with people who are in the community of seduction can also help you get started. Indeed, with them, the social pressure is reversed and it is the fact of not approaching that becomes unacceptable. With my friends, sometimes we go out and slap every time we do not dare to approach a sexy chick. Sometimes, too, we give our money to a guy, and he gives it back to us little by little when we approach or kiss a girl. I can guarantee you that it motivates to move your ass!

4/ Another solution is to use the 3 seconds rule that Mystery has developed in The Game : to approach within 3 seconds when one sees a girl so as not to have time to have negative and parasites thoughts.

5/ You can also try to think differently. Instead of wanting to get something from the chicks (their validation or their pussy), tell yourself that you offer them the opportunity to meet an alpha guy and a good lover. You will be more confident with such a state of mind…

6/ You may very well choose not to think about the interaction. Do not try to imagine what might happen. Your philosophy would be to always try your luck “I wonder what would happen if I did this… ah well I will try…” This way is very instructive, we learn a lot about the possibilities by doing so (know that most people feel limited by a glass jail)!

7/ To finish, a technique that I have used for a long time is to systematically try to kiss or take the number of all the girls I approached and that I liked a little. So, I did not even do it really for the girl, but for me. As a challenge on myself. Who knows ? It could work for you too…

Anyway don’t forget that when one tries to repress the feeling of fear, it is increased. Then acknowledge that you are afraid and accept this fear. It’s normal to be afraid… But if you do nothing, this fear will NOT disappear as if by magic! Accepting to have been afraid once or twice, it’s OK. On the other hand, accepting to undergo this fear all your life, NO!

I advise you to try different things until you find what works for you. Do not get discouraged and do not forget that, as I often say “the most beautiful adventures take place outside our comfort zone…”

If you are really blocked, you can start by approaching a girl by asking her for the time or whatever (or a drink if it’s a waitress in a club). Not to pick her up but to warm you up. Do this several times, and when you are “hot”, approach chicks to really seduce them more frankly. By dint of approaching, you will end up enjoying a certain momentum and you will be more or less uninhibited. But beware, disinhibition does not last long and the fear of approach comes back to different degrees!

Daring to approach chicks is easier when we have a good mentality, when we say that if we do not go it is that we are a fag. Thinking “upside down” in relation compared with the mass of people (who think it is unthinkable to approach unknowns) by convincing yourself that many chicks would be delighted to be approached by a seductive guy as you helps a lot… Well, accept to being perfect and … go!

Is there valid excuses?

Finally, do not make me say what I did not say. There are still valid excuses: for example, if you are really late for work, if she is holding a guy’s hand, for example… or if she has a penis… you have to be discerning! Be scandalous if you want but do not do anything either. Be reasonable but courageous and open-minded !

Are there truly pick-up techniques or do you just have to work on yourself to improve your lifestyle and communication skills?

To try to see more clearly, I have listed 10 (recognized) techniques of seduction and I will analyze them.

Pick-up Technique 1: Frame and reframing

This is about mastering communication in general and living in a reality of male alpha to try to be happy and attract women in this reality that highlights you. For me, it’s mainly NLP and communication.

Pick-up Technique 2: the prizing

It is a question of not accepting the status of a man who is sex-sstarved and who must do everything to obtain the favors of women. You must understand that you are a man who has value and you must respect yourself. It is a story of communication with yourself.

Pick-up Technique 3: storytelling

It is a matter of learning how to tell the stories in such a way as to give emotions to your interlocutors. This is especially important when you tell erotic stories to the chicks to warm them. 100% communication.

Pick-up Technique 4: the kino

Touching a person makes you look more sympathetic in her or his eyes, this has been proved many times by numerous studies. This is again a story of interpersonal communication.

Pick-up Technique 5: Make her feel unique

Even if you bet a lot on the statistics and you pick-up a lot of women at the same time… it is important to make them feel unique to maximize your chances of concluding! This is a simple understanding of the opposite sex.

Pick-up Technique 6: Invite the girl at home and raise sexual tension

To do this, one must already have a “home” (question of lifestyle), have the nerve to invite a chick (so you need a little nerve that you can acquire by working on yourself) and make a kinesthetic escalation. This is about understanding what sexual tension is and learning to play with, not being destabilized by it and exciting the woman in the good way. Above all, it is a question of understanding the world around us.

Pick-up Technique 7: Sexy humor

I dedicated an entire ebook to sexy humor. It’s a question of communication!

Pick-up Technique 8: The relax body language

I dedicated an entire ebook to body language. This is obviously a question of communication!

Pick-up technique 9: Ttwo steps forward, one step back

Learning to do double-edged compliments, to practice two steps forward, one back to make things easier to accept, it’s a communication skill. We find the same techniques in psychology, sales, marketing, etc.

Pick-up Technique 10: Having the nerve and assuming

To attract women like light attracts butterflies, you must have a good lifestyle (or be very sexy). Nevertheless, it is useless to attract girls if we cannot conclude with. So it takes nerve and assume your sexuality to get to have the sex life of your dreams.

To finish, I leave you with the video “Seduction = manipulation?“