The contrast between reality and ideology of the couple has never been more important. So it seems necessary to think about it. In what gear did we fall and in what direction is it taking us?
1 / The couple, what is it?
A couple is a physical and emotional union of two beings of the same species deciding to unite to move in the same direction. It also involves monogamy in most humans! The couple also refers to a staged procedure entrenched in the minds: installation of two people under the same roof, marriage or equivalent, reproduction and growing old together. So that’s the hetero-standard of today (which becomes a bit homo- standard too with the approval of gay marriage).
For me “couple” is often synonymous with “pathological need of the vast majority of people.” Why ? Because most people do not conceive life, desire, even the encounters with the opposite sex in another way than in an immediately defined framework. Most often the protagonists of the couple change, since the youngest age of a person, and that hurts every time. But it doesn’t matter, it is ultimately not the partners that count, it is the couple, the unity. There are no individuals, man or woman, there are just couples now. So there is no cuckolding anymore, nobody is ridiculous or unhappy today, there are only relationship problems. Nowadays, one can justify almost anything with a simple “I did it for love, you cannot understand.”
2 / Couple and love…
The love wedding is a modern utopia (53% is the rate of divorces in France). The couple was invented in order to preserve some order… like to guarantee paternity, and often at the detriment of sexual freedom outside marriage (at least officially). Except for libertines.
For many singles, the idea of happiness boils down to being a couple or being in love, which is supposed to go together. The couple seems to be the key of happiness. Like if a man and a woman were all made to live together at any moment of their lives. Like if strife and suffering did not exist in the couple.
In fact, the pledge of solidity of a couple is usually the attachment, not love which disappears with time. If it has ever been there one day… it is often confused with the desire of being in love or with a strong sexual attraction.
3 / The couple, a whole institution
The couple, it concerns everyone, otherwise we would not have invented marriage and the “in a relationship with” on Facebook. Moreover, we must stop confusing the couple with feelings of love. Yet there is no need to be in love to be a couple, no more than we need to be a couple to feel love. When will we mention “In love with” on the blue social network?
Within the couple, there are rules, rights and duties that have not been invented nor decided by its protagonists. They often defend them though tooth and nail, as evidence of consideration, and will submit themselves in the same way: exclusivity, fidelity, mutual assistance, etc. Ideally the couple should be always on top of one another, just to be able to help each other more effectively, of course … And to watch over each other. So who benefits?
4 / The couple, a bond or a standard
I think especially at family gatherings where these little attacks: “Are you coming alone, nobody wants you? You still have not found someone, my dear? Are you gay or what? ”
Thus, as soon as two people are in love, they begin couple, and immediately believe themselves superior to others (even if it only lasts one month and you have to help them beat depression after). Generally, people also tend to get a couple just because they meet sometimes, or they slept together. Most people around me will fall into couples once they have slept with someone two or three times and they feel a kind of affection for this person. But often one or the other criterion is enough. Sometimes, without talking to each other about it, which can reserve unpleasant surprises “oh well, because we’re a couple? I was not aware…” I intentionally did not speak here of distance relationships (99% doomed to failure) in which at least one of the two protagonists is often taken for a fool by the other. Best of all, I found this phrase on the internet “I confess I’ve already been in a couple while I had no real desire simply because he asked me to.”
Apparently people are dying to be subject to new rules, rights and duties specific to the couple: remembering the birthdays, doing things together, sleeping together (by desire or by conjugal duty), not hanging out with too attractive people of the opposite sex, not sleeping with other people of course, but also, more broadly, it can be very badly perceived to just have a drink or to go out to dinner with someone else… and it becomes normal to say where we were, with who we were, what we did, what time we get home, etc. Finally, it is often required to accompany each other at parties, family meals, or other places where you do not necessarily want to be.
The well conditioned singles therefore will aim to find a guy or a girl to join the camp of people in relationships. Finally being a couple: the happiness model imposed to everybody. But when finally you’re a couple, the fucking pressure does not stop. “When did you move in together? When are you getting married? When will you make a baby?” This pressure causes suffering. Besides, these attacks are not only coming from people you’re close with, a lot of people who are not directly concerned will talk too.
In conclusion, the general idea is that you “MUST be a couple” otherwise we are not necessarily happy, not honest, not normal. The single draws suspicion. It hides something not nice, for sure. He is handsome and yet alone? This is an impotent. She is beautiful yet? She’s a pain in the ass. He is a sex-addict. It’s a maniac. It is a psycho. A belated. A repressed homosexual. He is immature. An embittered. A frigid feminist. Celibacy is synonymous with disease: something is not good with you. You must seek treatment. He is too demanding, cannot be satisfied with simple things, or ugly and stupid people. He was too cocooned or abandoned by his parents. “Yet it is not hard to do like everyone else. Do others are single perhaps? Well then, you should be able too.”
5 / The couple, babes thing?
Women are said to be more interested in couples than men. We saw why through evolutionary psychology: they are programmed to seek to retain a man and his resources… man who is programmed to try to fertilize the maximum of women. They are taught to look for stability, security, and seeking fulfillment through a man or dedication to children. In any case, freedom is a guy thing, it seems. But cannot a girl live happy without a Man… especially when she is 20 years and when she has absolutely no desire to have children?
The guys of my generation began to act like women, which is slightly ridiculous by the way. Wisely coupled from 16 years like they would be at 40. They sometimes look for “couples” even more than girls. It has conditioned them. And when a girl is just trying to get (well) fucked, she had trouble finding enough to satisfy without a headache immediately after ( “I love you”). Chicks seeking only a “serious relationship” with a “good man” to “find happiness” are no less silly to me. Especially those who criticize those who know how to live in carp diem mode, all this shit because they are unable to deconditioning. They should just don’t care but because they feel that something is wrong in their logic, it makes them aggressive. This model imposed on us is, in fact, far from suitable for everyone. But when one does not think for him/herself, he doesn’t understand where this sense of discomfort comes from.
6 / Being a couple for reassurance?
“I need a boyfriend” or “I want a girlfriend” are phrases that have always made me shudder because a person seeking at all costs a boyfriend or a girlfriend, is to me someone who wants to fill a void in life (“I do not know what to do after my day’s work”). And the society has made it clear what the miracle solution is : you’ll be happy as a couple.
But in the case of which I speak, that desire has nothing to do with the people they meet. I find it terribly selfish, it’s like saying “I need a horse” when we want to go somewhere on horseback. It has nothing to do with the animal, what it is, what it wants or anything.
Being in a couple is often using each other. Often, people are looking for a boyfriend or a girlfriend but have no use of the desires, expectations, dreams and hopes of the person standing in front of them: all they’re interested in is what person can do for THEIR wishes, desires, dreams and hopes. Or they want to take someone with low value, wishing to manipulate the partner easily. A kind of accessory, in fact.
It’s really selfish to be a couple, since many would leave their half just because she slept with anyone else. Isn’t the purity that these people are in love with, actually? I could deal here also with the problem of one-itis, but it comes in my opinion from the DISEASE NEED to be couples (which must be cured to truly be able to make free choices) or lack of opportunities while a girl showed us a bit of interest… rather than from the real and sincere feeling of love (love at first sight is rare).
7 / The couple, something destructive?
When are people already in a relationship, they provide the ultimate in selfishness, possessiveness, restricting the freedom of others, jealousy. We do not ask a friend to do not attend other friends. It is not required for a friend, a cousin or an aunt to abandon his too time career or a trip to the tropics, just to stay close to us. We can be sad when the people we love go away, but it is rarely possible to require them to stay against their own happiness, and if we do so, it is childish. In a couple, it is considered normal behavior. Just like it is normal to prevent his beloved half to see some people. Just as it is normal to come “marking territory” when she’s talking to someone of the opposite sex with a huge frenchkiss while we just eat garlic.
The technological evolution of the society has had an impact on the couple: the spread of contraception, the new means of communication… opened a door on sexuality including the sexuality outside marriage, increasing separations and divorces. And, with Zuckerberg, it gives the possibility to proclaim that we are (finally) a couple… as a status symbol. “Hey, have you seen? I’m not single anymore and you… are you always in the shit ? ;)”
When we are a couple, we want it to work. Principle of consistency. We feel our value questioned when gets dumped too. The ego is talking and we’re calling it a sentence of heart. Especially if it brings us back to old complex or trauma. Ahlala, we would like it to work with THIS GUY (coincidentally) and like an oyster is stick to a rock. But it ends usually badly and we are in denial !!! Let’s think more before getting there in the future, it will be better for everyone…
8 / Couple, a demographic issue… or an economic one ? Who does it suit you’re a couple?
The society suggests to us that this is his future that is played around the couple. Except a man not in couple can fertilize many more women, especially that one of the last man privileges is to be fertile into old age… so this argument is not admissible.
The woman had become autonomous and independent, this has a direct impact on her place and the place of the man in the society and the couple… which is changing in the structures. The younger generations are the most reactionary, most revolted against the libertarian lessons given by their mother (May 68, Hippies). The couple, there is the way to go. While it is ephemeral. All the more ephemeral it is sacred.
Being a couple takes time. We phone more, we go to the restaurant, the movies, and when we do we spend more to do not look like a cheapskate, etc. Even when one stays at home with his half, one consumes more. Do you see where I’m coming from? Money, money, money.
9/ Can we decently remain single?
It’s a safe bet we no longer really know why we are single. By choice? Good joke! Get serious. Who can decently choose celibacy and its joys? We can say we prefer to be alone than in bad company, we are a lonely, that we love our independence, freedom, etc. But nobody will ever believe us altogether.
Let’s return to the famous question “Do you have a boyfriend?” or a girlfriend ? If the answer is “no”, one is a loser. If the answer is “yes”, it means “no thank you, I have an owner who will turn red if you encroached on the borders”.
Last thing I heard galloping ahead the cliché “he had a bad experience in a couple then he is now against the couple.” This is not the case. I have been happy and unhappy in couples, like everyone else. But I think that to be happy, we must above all do not rely on frivolous things. Being in a couple is frivolous. Why not trying to be happy already alone before trying to make our happiness depend on someone else? Why not having fun and stopping flutter not by “duty” but by “envy” when we have met someone who will motivate us? This is the main difference, in my view, between “being a couple for the wrong reasons (default with the first coming or just to do like friends)” and “being a couple for good reasons (a powerful sexual and personal connection, the same desires, some benefits). ”
If you are a couple, it’s your choice, but if this article pisses you off, ask yourself questions about why you are in a couple. I probably touched a sensible point.
10 / The benefits of the couple
Some see the couple as a mere “dick-insurance”. To easily ejaculate at will. If you choose this option, it seems pathetic and just demonstrates that you should work on your game for getting more options. These people made the effort once and rest on their laurels (note: this is better than never having done anything).
It’s like always eating the same dish, it can be as simple as noodles hams, sophisticated as supreme of chicken with parsley and mashed sweet potatoes, but in the long term you won’t feel the taste if it’s always the same… Indeed, people with whom sex does not lose intensity over time are rare. And even more are those agrees to make concessions, experience, efforts, etc.
When we couple for good reasons (and not only because we want a couple) and with someone who really fits us: there are not a lot of stress … except if he is a submitted and that the girl is capricious. But we must remain absolutely alpha otherwise she risks losing her respect for. On the other hand, if she chose us because we are a beta easily manipulated (a pigeon for short), it is not a couple for good reasons even though from our point of view it is perhaps a added-value (if she’s hot). It may ultimately be a win-win deal if the guy is sure that it suits him and he cannot do better. A woman driven by her biological clock is more easily marriageable…
My vision of the thing is that one day, we must all find a home base… like our fathers and grandfathers have done before us. If possible not too old in order to have children and see them grow. If possible with a girl that complements us well and takes care of us. If possible AFTER having made experiences before so we won’t feel the need to unhealthy cheat on our wife once we have delivered the sacred vows of fidelity. And also to find out what level of chicks we can target with a little work on ourselves (there is not only the physical appearance to consider but a minimum + personality of the girl and her situation, her health, etc.)
Anyway, today there are many ways of being a couple, marriage is no longer the representative symbol, one can live under the same roof (or not) and have children without being married, divorced, as single-parent or stepfamily… it is for everyone to build his or her own definition of the couple and what he or she intends to share there. In any case, when you love someone it should not be seen like a hard test to share you daily life if it is the case there is really a problem (with us or with our partner). Finally, I would say that perhaps we’re not all equal facing the ability to attach to someone: being a heart of stone is probably as hard as being a marshmallow. Finally, for children, perhaps this is better to give them a good image so that they are balanced in this crazy world. And if we do not want children nor getting married or anything, why being a couple without purpose?